so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
