Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
