pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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