i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
