I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
