Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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