if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
