first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
