OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
