Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
well I can't set my house on fire every night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
