So gin and wine won't be happening again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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