She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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