i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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