Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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