Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
