This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
