how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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