Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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