i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
