On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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