I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
