Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
