Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
