I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
