I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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