Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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