Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
