My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
