You work out of a Hotel?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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