Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
