I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
