he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
