if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
