I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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