i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
