It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
