Whod you bang
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
