At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
