Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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