I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
