My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
