yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
