I cockslap morals
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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