ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
