just tell him i said nine months
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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