I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
