i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
