Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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