Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sex in a hospital.. check
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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