she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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